HOW I ESCAPED THE GIANT TESHIAN BEE!

How I Escaped the Giant “Tesheti” bee !

Disclaimer : The Tesheti bee is not to be confused by the word “Tusheti” which is a small isolated village in the Greater Caucasus mountains- the highest inhabited village in Europe. 

Abano pass is at 2926 metres ideal for hikers and bikers from April to October when the snow closes the precarious road to all travellers. 

The Tushians are said to be descended from the Bats people with their own language and culture who were pagans running from the Mongols , Islamification and Christianisation. In winter many stay in the warmer town of Zemo Alvani. 

 Today their main income is from cheese,sheep,crafts and tourism. Their isolation has developed them into a fierce, independent people with their own special customs. 

It is the last wild frontier of Europe and borders Chechnya and Dagestan in the distance alongside the Russian hinterland.

 It is a very harsh environment for any human to live and thrive let alone survive.

 It also has in abundance many various wild animals and birds including the wild sheep, the great big ferocious Georgian sheep dogs, wolves, bears,goats and deer.

 It’s a cash or barter economy only. No visa. No mastercard. No ATM. No signal.

“In a land far far away there once lived the most peculiar species of bee that has ever been seen or heard. 

It was the size of a tennis ball, and its giant bumbling body was striped in golden yellow and black. 

So it was very easy to see from afar. This bee however couldn’t fly very well- or very long. 

So it would hitch hike on top of a head. Now this head could be the head of a cow or a goat or a dog… but at times it could be a human head that it took a liking too. 

 And once it settled on that head it was very very difficult to get off. Because this giant teshiti bee you see had a very poisonous venom that if it stung you with its giant stinger…you would surely die a most excruciating -and hallucinating painful death.

 There was simply NO cure!

 Now you might be thinking that all you had to do was to catch it by surprise and smash it with a shovel thereby crushing it in an instant. 

 But that would be very foolish you see… because the giant tesheti bee could see 360 degrees up or down and long before you had brought down your weapon of choice whether it was a shovel or a bat…

- it would inject its great stinger into the depths of your brain…!!!

Well you say perhaps its possible to shoo it away without inflicting a mortal blow? 

THAT has been done but by people who are deft at distraction… but they were lucky or skilled at the art because not only can this bee see in all directions …it can feel too.Its very sensitive. 

 It may be that it also chooses which head to sit on and which not too… because if it likes you it may sting you anyway and then it lays its eggs inside your head all at once and dies itself. 

 But that of course is only if it finds a mate or is pregnant at the time. It prefers to lay its eggs in big oak trees if they can be found.

 

What happens when it gets thirsty or hungry this big tesheti bee must fly away you say… ?

 NO.. not really because the bee is clever it is a clever bee is this one…. For it has two long probisci sprouting from the sides of its head which can go as long as two feet or more in length…

' and they suck up everything from pollen to water to anything at all…!!

-and this giant bee has very hairy legs to collect all the pollen it can find from every flower in the field.Its stores this all up during the long winter when it sleeps in the snow. Or in a self made bees waxy private room it makes for itself in a dark hole or cave. 

It’s a giant thing that brings absoulte terror to the one it has decided to sit on. 

That is if he knows what it can do. But this bee also has a weakness known only to a few.

 It likes a tune or two to listen to and if the tune is sweet, he falls asleep where he is. 

And if the head is clever enough …he will shake it once or twice and it will fall off at once bouncing on the ground below.

But of course, I did not know all this at the time. I had hiked through the mountains in mid-September in Georgia when the air was clear and the nights were cool to see this magical city in the valley hidden in the range of high mountains beyond the horizon of the Caucasus.

Let me tell you a little about getting to this village in the mountains… not only was the road treacherous to drive- and indeed many had not made it through these difficult passes -but once October had come any day and a snowstorm could block the road for the entire winter!

-you would be trapped!
 

You would have to trek overland through the snow and ice to get to civilisation. 

And it was far. Without transport it would need at least 3 days by walking.

And if you could not get through the Alpano pass that day you would wait a long time for salvation to come.

 For over winter only a few families lived in the small village in this Caucasian region removed from even good Christians.

The “tushians” spoke their own language and were descended from the fierce "batsbe" people of the higher Kacheti region of the Caucasus and it is even said that they resisted being islamified by the mongols. 

They were pagans and followed the seasons and the moons. 

They had a strange dance in the springtime which if there were any wild women available for the lonely men … they had to dance with them. 

The best dancer was selected by the woman, and they were joined for life- making love under the first full moon night beneath the stars.

During the wintertime the women would knit famous picture postcards of their houses and the mountains and their lovemaking lives with their nimble fingers, and they would post this complete with a hard leather board inside to tell of their long winter waiting for the first flowers of the following spring to come. 

As far as I knew no one else in the whole wide world would knit a post card and send it to their friends and family or sell it to the odd passer by that stumbled upon this mountain beauty and isolated land.

Quite original. 
 

The tushitians were famous not only for knitting…they made great salty cheese from the wild sheep and what’s more they could dance all night long with a little help from the local liquor made from wild honey and flowers. 

The Tushian women would not always hide in their houses but walk up the mountains and stare at the sun when it fell beneath the horizon.

 They believed the female represented the Earth which is also the legs and the water or navel and the male the fire/sun or mind and the air the lungs. So sungazing was important for them. 

This sungazing habit made them have very bright eyes and they could stare into the soul of anyone without the slightest  fear (even the wolves and bears who roamed around looking for food would give way to their eyes!)

But Tusheti was not only famous for its picturesque walks and woollen post cards… it was also famous for the honey of this giant bee that lived no where else on the planet we call Earth. And it even bottled its pristine air and sold it to the Chinese and the Indians in their polluted cities like Beijing and New Delhi. 

but I digress..  the giant bee... 

It was called "tesh" for the tesheti bee which in their Bat language meant “ destiny” or "luck" was a very particilat creature indeed! 

Yes it was.

 For it  was far from lucky to have one of them sit on your head!- Unless it was your destiny to be saved in a very special way. 

And it was indeed only a few that had even seen this bee or could coax it to make honey in a box for the few who tended. 

And even fewer that survived the Tesheti bee. Thats why females outnumbered males. The men didnt stare into the sun at sunset. They dodnt have the time. 

 Of course, there was the normal honeybee but this particular giant bee made honey so sweet and honey that was medicine to the sick and ailing and its secret was kept by only a few for this honey could heal the most difficult of ailments. 

Some say it could even heal diseases that could not be healed by doctors themselves.

 

The wild women of tushiti would revere this bee for its venom and knitted special hats for their men to wear to fend off an attack of this crazy big bee from nowhere.

Out of the blue!
 

Because there was or were no trees in this region...this bee hid in high caves feeding on the flowers in the springtime or nuts it had stored in the holes it made in the cave walls.

 It was for this reason that only in the worst most difficult and desperate time that the shepherds would ever take temporary protection from the weather by hiding themselves for the night in the dark caves of the “teshian” bees.

 For it was not always that the bee saw the hat and simply just sat on the head it saw and began to dominate the life of that head with its sharp clawed feet and prosbisci.

It was thus at the end of one spring day that I had come upon a splendid resting place not far from the hilltop village of Tusheti.

 I decided to rest by a stream and take some clean pure water from the gushing clear river and eat my vegetarian Potato, spinach and cheese Khinkali and wash it down with a bit of Cha Cha – true Georgian traditional food and drink.

I also had a walnut and grape dried fruit for desert…and watched the sun over the snowtopped mountains, and smiled as I listened to a flute in the distance beyond the rise played by a shepherd who introduced his giant sheepdog ganga and himself as Otto. 

We smoked the peace pipe from the local herbs that grew nearby…

 It was a beautiful day… and as I took in the breathtaking view I drifted off to sleep in the warmth of the late afternoon.

 

To my surprise – and either it was the strange grog -the herb or the dream but I heard a thick thud upon my head… and I abruptly awoke… 

I could feel something heavy and solid sitting on my head and my first reaction was to shoo it away… But suddenly I heard the words from a girl … saying:

 “Nyet”… !!NO.. !"– I think it was in Russian ..and she came over to me and held my hands to my side… And to my utter surprise spoke in perfect English…!

 

“My name is Gwansa. And I am from this village you are going to in the distance. "

 "Don’t move! "she said urgently...

"You have the great Teshetian bee on your bare head… and if you are not very careful…you will soon be very very dead! “– - if you want to live you must do exactly as I say…!” I froze in total horror and despair. 

I then nodded in shock… and slowly the scene around me had a different meaning and my skin shuddered at the thought of something strange sitting upon my head…something that at a whim could inject its sting into my brain and do away with me for good… it was most terrifying and I started praying to my God for salvation and protection.

I could do nothing else. 

She proceeded to explain that I had this giant bee on my head who would not go away unless it felt like it… there was nothing I could do except what it wanted to do.

But there was a person from her village that was experienced in coaxing it off …she was the only person who could. 

 But how could I walk if it would sting me?…how could I possibly move anywhere… she said…

 “You have to walk very slowly and feel if the bee wanted you to go left or right… or down or up!- you have to become One with the bee…"… (just so that the bee would not get nervous you had to whistle a tune from the mountains that every Teshiti bee knew and loved)… and it so happened that she knew this melody and she taught it to me in an instant…

I was so grateful I smiled my relief and gratefulness. 

It is hard to explain to anyone how it went -but it sounded like the wind rushing or whistling through a tight hole in the mountain or the waterfall falling over the cliff edge…

-or waves crashing upon a beach… I would best say it sounded like this…” aaaaa wooo sha… a woo sha… wu wu a woosha “-and that is the best I can say in the words I have to say it in… but she said...

 ” you must imagine the wind flowing across the great landscape in waves" … "it is the feeling of joy and ecstasy when you make love and the feeling that joins the entire steppes in one sound!" ….."it is the dance of the brothers and the kings and the templemen and the gods all in One!"…" it is… AWOOSHA!” 

 "But if you cant do that just sing our national song .. "I was in Georgia drinking Cha Cha!"-( see link below). the teshian bees likes that song and it soothes them. So just keep singing it.

I have sung Imagine by John Lennon but it doesnt always like that one. Its very moody. 

And this is what I did… as we walked really slow to the village and saw the looks of surprise and shock and awe upon the old faces of the wrinkled old timers as the recognised the most feared Tesheti bee upon my head.

 And they all saw the beads of sweat dripping from my forehead which the long probiscus of the bee would drink to sate its thirst…for she- the bee was drinking my absolute terror…

and horror at this thought of instant painful death upon my head…

At last we reached the house of an old woman who name was “Dan-ga-ban” – a red and grey haired dirty wizzened hag with one tooth hanging out of her yellow tobaccoed mouth… and gold and silver rings on her fingers…and mystical tatoos on her face. and a red and green beaded necklace around her neck. 

She certainly looked he part of a witch. 

She spoke to my guide and agreed to help…for a price…to save my miserable life from this most certain horrible fate… 

My guide said…”You must agree to whatever she asks…or take your chances with your luck or your destiny …and this may not always turn out alright for you…"

-" the bee has chosen you as a wandering traveller of these mountains.. and you cannot escape…"- for the Teshian bee could in a rage sting its host and lay eggs in its brain… or just suck from the raw flesh beneath… 

It was a most dangerous creature from the pit that ever graced our planet…

"I pray for your salvation!” she said solemnly. And I kept quiet as a mouse and said nothing more. 

Therefore,whenever they were seen… men hunted them and killed these bumbling giant creatures to extinguish their danger from these Caucasas mountains.

It was for this reason that only a few remained.

 But in truth… some of the village people knew that besides its evil and danger upon the human species it was from another era.

A time of prehistoric nature that somehow had survived in the lonely caves of this region.

For no one knew how long it could live or hibernate in the snow and the ice of winter…for that is what it did.

 And the average age of these residents it appeared ..was over one century...and they were fit as a fiddle because they had a dark secret...

For its venom had a medicine that could cure just about any disease of man. It was for this reason that all who knew about this insect were sworn to absolute secrecy…

-and in the pagan or Christian monastery ..there were cages of these bees for the curators who would sing to them and milk them of their honey… and poison… -but I was not to know all this then…it was all a mystery to me.

As she spoke, I was simply shaking in fear and sweating in anticipation of the great stinger shooting its venom into my head…but she just stroked my arm and said... 

-  ”Dont worry. It will be ok…”

“I will do anything!" I said…anything!

"Very well!" the old hag replied…

 "YOU must marry a Tushian girl from this village this very night.!"

 SHE CACKLED IN GLEE.

She could even be me but you must do so without question. 

" You must dance as if your life depends on it!!!- 

-And whoever chooses you is the one who you must be with forever. FOREVER !!"..

SHE LAUGHED again madly!

 

I said :“OK” for I would have said OK to anything under this most cruel mental psychological emotional torture…

The hag at last made a mixture of different items which included honey and nuts and plums and berries I had never seen… and turning it into a thick pink and purple soup..poured it out into a dish and took out an old flute to blow a delicate pleasing shanty from Dionysus and Tamada. 

One that had long been forgotten by men in their quest for progress…not pleasure … and good wine. And of a sudden the bee jumped off my head …and started to drink this concoction of this ancient recipe.

"Remember your promise..tonight is the full moon…!” -"for if you do not keep it the bee shall return to sit on your head and I shall not be able to help you again!"

 

Little did I know then ...that my fate was sealed for I danced ALL night under the moon as never before I had in all my life!  

And it was then… that I found myself that very next morning in the arms of a beautiful woman who was my new wife… 

One that destiny had brought to me in my hour of need on that fateful day. 

  I was happy.

“And this is how I escaped the GIANT Teshian bee!"

ps the Tesheti bee also likes this song I have found... "I was in Georgia drinking cha cha.. !"

here is the link :

 https://youtu.be/OohXOWw-LTY